I’ve got some friends that use to work for a company that hired a consulting firm to come in and help them make a profit. The consulting firm made reports of the changes the company needed to make. However the company needed to implement the changes themselves.

So the company hired contractors and got started implanting all the changes the consulting firm pointed out just as fast as they could go. They closed plants and consolidated everything into one building but realized there was not enough space.

Another large sum of money and the consulting firm had it figured out with a new system called JIT, parts would arrive Just in Time. However, none of my friends currently work for the company because they went out of business.

You see, trucks break down and deliveries never arrive just in time…oh and due to the space of everything being consolidated into one location, there wasn’t enough room for the tractor trailers to turn around in the new loading and unloading dock.

However, that consulting firm posted their biggest year ever and never took responsibility for any of the problems the company had.

So, when I see search engine optimization companies calling themselves consulting firms you have to understand that I am a bit skeptical. Basically what they are going to do is sit back and tell you what changes you need to make to your site and after that you are on your own.

You can get that information from search engine optimization forums for free or from some e-books for under $100.00.

The hard part is implementing the easy part is sitting around and talking about it. I’ve got a friend of mine here that has started 10 different businesses since I’ve none him, none of them made it more than a month or two. Now he’s a consultant.

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, “Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.”

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, “But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world.”

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, “Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?”

The chickens in a large hen house started to quarrel, wounded each other and many of them died every day. The upset farmer hurried to a consultant, and asked for a solution to his problem.

“Add baking-powder to the chickens’ food,” said the consultant, “it will calm them down.”
After a week the farmer came back to the consultant and said:

“My chickens continue to die. What shall I do?”

“Add strawberry juice to their drinking water, that will help for sure”.
A week passed, and again the farmer came to the consultant: “My chickens are still quarrelling. Do you have some more advice?”

“I can give you more and more advice,” answered the consultant. “The real question is whether you have more chickens.”

The classified ad said, “Wanted: CEO needs a one armed consultant, with a social sciences degree and five years of experience.”
The man who won the job asked, “I understand most of the qualifications you required, but why ‘one armed’?”
The CEO answered, “I have had many consultants, and I am tired of hearing with each advice the phrase ‘on the other hand’.”

Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear from your Consultant

1.
You’re right; we’re billing way too much for this.
2.
Bet you I can go a week without saying “synergy” or “value-added”.
3.
How about paying us based on the success of the project?
4.
This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.
5.
Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.
6.
I don’t know enough to speak intelligently about that.
7.
Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.
8.
I can’t take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.
9.
The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.
10.
Everything looks okay to me. You really don’t need me.